and the nature of change...
Since I returned from India a fourteen months ago I have maintained pretty much a constant Yoga practice, the primary series of Ashtanga, most days a week. Its like a relationship- its intriguing, sometimes it winds you up, sometimes it bores you, sometimes you want to walk out on it, sometimes you wonder why you ever got involved in the first place. You get used to bits of it and sometimes you take what you have gained from it for granted. Sometimes you get stuck in a rut. sometimes, just sometimes, something about it surprises you, catches you in a flush and you spend the rest of the day floating, full of love for everyone and all existence. Sometimes it feels like the universe is sharing its secrets with you even when you're walking to work or hand washing t shirts in the sink.
My challenge presently is allowing the changes to take place. Habits are very hard to break- its like theres something amazing trying to get through all my layers of guilt and unease and worries. Theres something raw with Ashtanga practice. It is such an austere practice in a way, theres nowhere to hide, and by the time you start to find it you are beyond the point of caring what it looks like. Its hard. I can feel myself getting more and more sensitive and adjusting my lifestyle to accomodate this is a huge challenge. I crave stimulants and I know I don't sleep enough. I have just over 3 months before I leave again so I am doing my best to take care of myself and eat right so I don't get ill this time.
I am so excited about every day. People around me look beautiful. I want to take care of everyone.
Its like I'm learning about love without giving birth.
All the bits of the Yoga Sutras that I read for the sake of it are literally coming to life in my world- colours look brighter, I can see more whats going on with people. Sometimes its almost too much. My priorities shifted without me even noticing- a certain situation occurred recently- breaking up with someone- and I could not believe how my response had changed. No anger.
Ashtanga. It works miracles. Need to sleep now...