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My last day in Mysore

and feeling blessed...

sunny 30 °C

kali.jpg

I can hardly believe that today is my last day here... I would say the past four months have flown by but they really haven't... I sort of feel that I've been here for about a year- or maybe I've learnt what would otherwise take longer in a sort of super-condensed way without the annoying nusicance of having to work 10am till 8pm, or a man shouting oafishly for my attention. How lucky I am to get these windows from time to time- having space, and time in which to contemplate is so very precious. Last time I came to India I felt like I took some tools home with me, and this time I feel like I brought them back and went back to the drawing board so to speak.

I've had some amazing experiences- when you have the time to practice intensely, and rest afterwards you can start to feel like a radio, picking up signals from everywhere. One thing thats become clear to me is that the practice doesn't ever necesserily become easier. As soon as one thing yields, something else comes up. As I've noticed before- development is circular, not linear- and you can't practice with an agenda. I wanted the perfect Kurmasana by the end of these months- and its far from perfect but bizarrely enough Pincha Mayurasana feels easy and comfortable now. I don't know what that means. One day I'm going to compile a book of the sacred essence of each asana- the fiery seed of Garudhasana, the emotional rebalance of Pascimatanasana. Each asana is like a key, and where you are with it could be a type of divination. My practice has opened up so much these months.

I've also learned that detachment doesn't necesserily mean having perfect control over your character and emotional make up- or at least it doesn't have to, to start with. Detachment can mean throwing a tantrum and whilst you're offloading being aware that its only temporary. You can almost play with your moods, laugh at yourself, try and work out where its coming from if you so desire. Having a little mantra helps- like the non-dualistic "Not this, Not this" idea when trying to understand the divine- you can say to yourself "Not me, Not me" when you're having a bad reaction to something. It helps. You just have to keep at it. Don't be downcast because you aren't perfect. Aspiring to awareness is better- anyone who wants to be perfect probably has some bad stuff they're trying to hide anyway. Face your darkness. Read about Kali and learn that not all darkness is quite as it seems. Learn to really listen- to everything and everyone. Be open.

What else? I've learned sometimes you need to make yourself rest. And you don't have to be engaged in 'useful' work every waking hour, take time to digest. So thats probably enough for me to be going on with...

I said goodbye to Ajay this afternoon- I got my teacher training certificate, my t-shirt, my adjustment book (that is to be shown to no-one) my lucky coin, and I'll be collecting my little protection Yantra to wear tomorrow- I thought he might teach me some kind of 'secret handshake as well'.... but no... maybe next time ...:) I am so glad I studied with Ajay. He's a glowing example of a Yoga teacher, so much energy and intelligence. I'll really miss him in classes- I love the way he gets excited about what he does- and the way he goes off on crazy tangents sometimes when he's channelling something from who knows where... I know its intolerant, but boring Yoga teachers really get to me. Yoga is fascinating and romantic and to make something so incredible boring and passionless is just inexcusable. Or to reduce it to the same level as a keep fit class or trawl out some cheesy meditation or observation from a book rather than from the heart is just urgh. When I practice Yoga I like to think of the millions who've gone before me, struggling with the same stuff. To honour the dead and contemplate my own mortality... Hmmm... Now I'm having a tangent moment. I do believe though, that when you have a regular and dedicated practice inspiration starts to flow, and you maybe don't need books in the same way. Because you access other knowledge deep deep within. What the Druids refer to as 'Awen'. And if you teach Yoga your well will never run dry if you keep up your own practice, your own discovery. You can never rest on your laurels, you have to keep going, on the road with everyone else. Never really alone.

There was a Kirtan the other night which Ajay led- chanting and music. It was beautiful. I was talking to Sista Shree about it earlier today - she was a long term student of Pattabhi Jois. She came to the Kirtan too and said that it reminded her of what it used to be like to study Yoga here. That very special kind of energy that happens when you have a gathering of people for a special reason. It was amazing evening. As it was my last Friday evening I was thinking of going out for dinner and then Deepak at the Shala said that he would like to cook a buffet. And then it really took off and loads of people came and the food was gorgeus- beautiful Indian vegetarian food with raw salads and channa masala. And I spent time with some of my very favourite people and we looked at the nearly full moon in Leo and talked all night.

I have cleared out my little flat- I have packed a rucksack. I'm leaving with Brian for Bangalore tomorrow- after which I'll go to Delhi, then Delhi to Bangkok, Bangkok to Aucland, then early March back to Delhi- then maybe Rishikesh for 2 or 3 weeks and then it'll be getting hot and I'll leave India. And then? Not sure yet. I'm planning on seeking out some good Ashtanga in New Zealand- unfortunately theres no John Scott workshops while I'm there. Or maybe I'll just do a lot of self practice. I'm keeping my plans for late March open but very loosely thinking of the USA, starting North West. I think I'd like that. And so my travel plans are as circular as my Yoga practice. I've been doing some research into working abroad too and so am looking at all options (I am too much of a Capricorn to be a feckles drifter), even qualifying as a personal trainer and working on ships- we'll see...

So my very last entry in Mysore... for now... We're having a quiet meal tonight and chilling. I'll try and sleep tonight but I'm excited to travel. See some more of this world, eat street food in Delhi (NICE) and all that kind of thing. And I am ready to leave in a way I wasn't before. And I have more David Frawley to read. As well as 'Lord of the Rings' (should keep me going).

And if anyone I've met in Mysore is reading this I want to say thankyou, I love all you very much and we'll meet again...:)

Posted by victoria8 02:55 Archived in India Tagged women

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